Are you a people pleaser? How much will you take before you take action to protect yourself? You might be surprised just how many people can’t say no, even if it is something they don’t want to do!
Boundaries are Healthy and Necessary
We all live by rules from what we can wear in public, where we can drive or park and how much money we can borrow from the bank. Then why is it that we have so much trouble assigning “rules” to our own space and in our daily lives?
For me, this is a spiritual issue. I was raised as a Catholic and to be extremely tolerant of others encroaching into my boundaries. To the point I suffered through a lot of trauma in my childhood that I was somehow raised to tolerate. As an adult, I now have a very strong sense of boundaries and I’d like to share some strategies on how to keep your boundaries strong in a way that aligns with you spiritually.
Saying No Doesn’t Make You A Bad Person
It can be really hard to say no because we don’t want to hurt the other persons feelings right? But what about YOUR feelings? You matter too! It’s ok to have your own thoughts and choices even if it doesn’t align with the people around you. You have the right to your own sense of identity and individuality.
There will always be a time that we put ourselves aside to help others. Whether it’s our family, neighbour or work colleagues but it doesn’t have to be that way all the time. By pressuring yourself to do things that make you uncomfortable, stressed, financially burdened, embarrassed or exhausted you are not honouring yourself spiritually. You’re devaluing yourself and your own happiness. This will lead to health problems like upset stomach, IBS, over or under eating and skin issues. People can get headaches, anxiety and other stress related symptoms. That is not fair to yourself emotionally, mentally, physically or spiritually.
Ask For Respect and Discover Self Respect
By learning to expect respect from others, you will also learn to respect yourself. Once you start to respect yourself, your life will improve a lot! You will feel happier and more satisfied in your daily life. Imagine the sense of inner peace and how much less stress you will have when you develop boundaries. Carry Black Tourmaline, Onyx or Black Obsidian with you for protection. All of these crystals repel negative energy, ground you and help to give you emotional strength.
Let them serve as a reminder that you are strong and entitled to peace. I like to wear mine in a necklace and sometimes I wear black obsidian earrings to remind me that I don’t want to take in negativity. Activating your sacral chakra with Carnelian or Orange Calcite can also strengthen your boundaries. I strongly recommend Carnelian to anyone who has suffered from a lack of boundaries on their bodies. Carnelian is very spiritually healing for boundary traumas.
Activate your Throat Chakra with Aquamarine, Lapis Lazuli and Sodalite. Carrying or wearing these crystals will activate your Throat chakra and serve as a reminder for you to speak your truth. Open your Throat Chakra and release your words. You can eat blueberries, fresh or in smoothies, to help activate your Throat Chakra also. Wearing a blue scarf around your neck can also serve as a reminder to activate your voice and speak up for yourself.
Self Care Isn’t Selfish
For sure, there will be people who accuse you of being selfish when you learn to say no. This is a manipulation tactic. Especially when that person has been using you and crushing your boundaries over a long period of time. Imagine a day where you decide everything! You choose what you eat and what you wear, where you go and walk away from anything that bothers you. That is having healthy boundaries.
How To Set Boundaries
Here is some easy ways to set healthy boundaries to improve your life.
- At Work: “I’d love to help, but my plate is full right now”.
This sets a professional boundary while showing that you’re not being dismissive. It’s especially useful when co-workers or bosses try to pile extra tasks on you.
2. With Family: “I appreciate you thinking of me, but I need to focus on myself right now”.
Family members often expect help out of obligation without considering your needs. This response acknowledges their request while reinforcing that your well-being comes first.
3. In Relationships: “I’m not comfortable with that, and I need you to respect my decision”.
Whether it’s about physical, emotional, or time boundaries this firm statement makes it clear that your needs matter.
4. With Friends: “ I can’t make it this time, but let’s plan for another day that works for both of us”.
This response keeps friendships intact while asserting that your time is valuable and you don’t always have to say yes.
5. In Social Situations: “That doesn’t align with my values, so I’ll pass”.
This works when declining things like gossip, peer pressure or activities that don’t resonate with you. It’s direct yet respectful.
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